My dearest Caleb, I’m hurting as I write this. My life can never be full and totally happy ever again. I’ve tried and tried to get you to understand how sorry I am for what I did to you and to our lovely children, and to explain to you how it came about. You know what Dr Masters unearthed, and you know also that I take full responsibility – I haven’t tried to hide behind my psychological problems. But now you have all the information, you know the why of it, but it’s made no difference.I said a number of times how much I love you – how much I’m still in love with you, but you never reacted, and I have to conclude that your love for me is not strong enough to allow you to forgive me or at least trust me. So there is nothing I can do any more. My tears are still falling as I realise how much I have lost, as they have all year from the time I ran away.I held on and held on, hoping you’d change, but the decree absolute is due today and there seems to be no chance you will delay it. I. Dad tells me I need to go now, and I feel like I need to so I can tell them I love them. Dad says they may not live many more years and if I don’t go now, it may be too late.”“I know, Eli ... I was just being selfish. I love you so much I hurt being here without you when you’re away. I just feel so empty and alone without you nearby.”“I miss you when I’m gone from home too, Kit. One day we’ll be able to get married, then we’ll be with each other all the time with our own place.”“I keep telling myself that too, Eli. I like thinking of us being married and having a son so we can name him after you and Dad.”“Eli Crow, the Third. I kinda like that,” Eli told her as she snuggled close.“Eli, I was thinking more like calling him Tré as a nickname, spelled T-r-é with that little thing on top of the ‘e’. Grandmother showed it to me in a book and told me it would be a perfect nickname for our son. She said it was Italian for three and I knew right then that I wanted him to have that special.
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